Friends · Growing Up · Journal


Story of breaking apart from relations is never ending tale of emotional drama

It took me a little long – like years – to understand the reason for my sadness in breaking apart from relations. Friendship, love, death or whatever! Leaving one is always giving the same feeling – sad, depressed. So, i set on to search for cause!

Yeah!I too had the same thought – ‘why find a cause? Because Its part and parcel of being human, get sad when someone close leave! Ryt?.

Everyone, in oneself is having individual existence, independent of each other! In a relation or not, that never change. If being an individual is important, being sad in break-up is out of equation. Since am not following an equation, i was bound to get sad! Ryt?. Getting sad was a routine, will be a routine forever, i thought on some bad mornings.

Myself being common in my breakups, i decided to find a reason for my sadness, being a strong believer of individuality i should get that reason and neutralize its effect on me becoming independent. After many long solo rides, searching for it, i got glimpse of one good reason, that could explain everything happened in past breakups.

Explaining oneself to others is difficult, and in a short time its a big task. Doing the same to one who wish to move apart is another difficult story all together. That story had been happening the whole time, with most of my breakups. Trying to explain myself, making myself clear to that person, with some part of me wishing for that person to be there with me, making me fight for it, while another wish to back off! Latter would win in the end but with some scars to learn from and move on.

So yeah! What if i wish to take breakups as an abrupt end to any relation?, Then when will i explain myself, the answer will always be, never explain yourself to anyone, remain oneself… Live Happy!

Friends · Growing Up · Journal

Why I Ride???

So all of a sudden i decided to write this post down tonight, because i want to make clear to myself one good reason, ‘Why I Ride?’.

Having MyBird for going anywhere and everywhere meant, that reason is, for being with Matt rest of life. She have become an integral part of my life in past 7 months. Starting with first long ride to the one i made tonight, the amount of trust i have on her, i never had with any. The moments were cursed about the oncoming bright traffic at night to the roadside breaks, were i laid my back on her, will always be the best. From the kickstart in the morning to the time i put her on centre stand for a long rest at nightfall, all i care for is our happiness.

If that’s not it, then i thought watching NPCB ( malayalam movie) about 5years ago, were the hero rides towards the feeling in his heart on his thumping machine, was that reason which made me ride. As portrayed in the movie riding towards a destination is not why we ride, its about the journey and all that comes with it. Ups and Downs, Feelings and Aches, People and Places enroute the destination is more than many reasons why i ride.

Still, is that it?! the respect towards a machine, who puts the same amount of trust on the rider is i think the best reason i would ride for.

I don’t ride because i don’t have anything else to do, i ride because i love, every second of it and i live to ride, ride where ever MyBird would take me. When we are together, all that we care for is each other, hence we ride as long as we can!

NB:- to whom so ever it may concern, this moment of life is more important to me than last second or next minute. I don’t have a dream life, am living it every second! TICK.TICK.TICK…



What is ‘the wrong’ I do?

Questions up again! I feel like its something to do with me.

When did it all started, god! I dont know, but friends, friendships is not my thing, i realise.

Lemme think, ‘when did i make my first friend?’, i think i was so close to V back in 7th, he was so close to me and we had spent a lot of time together. Oops! I had copied a lot from him on class tests. I remember our spoken english classes where oua madam would ask us both to act out the conversation ( am bad at it still, this is a proof ), and miss had told once that, its the courage in us to stand infront and talk that made her call us everytime, yeah he was a great company back then.

I lost track of him in 8th half, new friendship made? Oops! Yeah, i remember R kicking me out ( ofcourse, they were the toppers V & R and have the thing between them, i thot then ), why? I started acting weird, puberty?, Crush?, Yeah, that made him uncomfortable, he didnot like me having crush on S! That was the shortest crush i ever had… Or i don’t know, was it infatuation, very much. Not the person, but to the feeling of having someone like that. Anyway, it paved way for his exit,

What might have been a good friendship, because of my ‘ignorance’ gone…( Yeah, i ignored. He did try to tell me, what is it with you, u should not do this, i think, i said ‘i do whatever i want with my life’ )… He was right in whatever decision he took back then. We were not how we used to be the rest of the 3years i spent there till 10th class. We shared the same classes though. I have seen him few number of times after 10th, but was it with me or with him, i don’t know. It never went back how it was before… Thats about V, the first friend i made, and was serious about keeping…and went crashing down…

Thats my first entry to this series…

On my last stalk on him, he is enjoying his medicine at a good college, so we are not that separated, will i our destinies converge???. Hope i dont offend him on our next meet…

And yeah, R i have a lot to tell about him, that is another big post all together…