Regrouping thoughts

So, It happened to be one of those days where I end up thinking about myself, trying to get myself together. It all happened when I had brought out things that was suppose to be a secret, the conversation carried on to some years and climbed up, that one commented, indirectly how intolerable I were in real. From breaking trust, hurting someone to ending up knowing how things are in real world out there.

It was easy to escape saying its all subjective getting hurt, and it has got nothing to do with me, on whatever I say… But where is my tongue ties? what is all about these loose talks?. Its not that, I should be shutting my mouth starting at this moment, learning to draw line between words that feel good and those that makes people feel bad is what I should be trying.

Its not important for anyone to tolerate me, but people should not just blindly comment am intolerable. Whatever made them say it, got to have a reason, which I have to deal as an immediate priority…

Growing Up

That Excites me…

Life moves on and everything happen for a reason…to give up in the end is far easier than giving up everything to live through it, its a different feeling…

4 practicals, 10 days… And long vacation! When its all done, am becoming what i dreamt of since 2009??? Almost a decade in making a dream come true… Boring higher secondary tutions, a year of preparation behind closed doors, nearly 5years of college… Uff!!! And now, going for the last fight ( atleast inside my head ), it’s a long way, can’t believe, looking back i made through till this day in one piece ( rhetorically ).

So yeah, day after tomorrow my practical starts. Why this post? I thought this is kinda that day, i got why i should not give up on my dream. Not that it took a decade, but it is transforming me… Irresponsible kid to someone more responsible ( oops! I will explain that later ). And i love that part of this phase.

2017, it started out like any other year! Adding one year to my existence in this planet ( pain pf having born in January ), 4months into it, Alas! It been the best, i guess!

Final phase of college, the pain of leaving has never been there ( not because of the intern year ), but the few people i was lucky to be with in this phase of life. From keeping my facial muscles busy, letting me feel at ease, from being a stranger to a wellwisher to eyeopener ( this person deserves more adjectives that these ) . The healthy relations and the new opppurtunities i realised in the last 4months, motivates me! 

Becoming what i dreamt of and loving what i become is all that is needed for a happy life…is it? ( Hope i write back one day, saying i was right )!



A moment of silence to all the souls i quit looking to… You have been great all the way long, but your ignorance never make any sense to me… 


What is ‘the wrong’ I do?

Questions up again! I feel like its something to do with me. 

When did it all started, god! I dont know, but friends, friendships is not my thing, i realise. 

Lemme think, ‘when did i make my first friend?’, i think i was so close to V back in 7th, he was so close to me and we had spent a lot of time together. Oops! I had copied a lot from him on class tests. I remember our spoken english classes where oua madam would ask us both to act out the conversation ( am bad at it still, this is a proof ), and miss had told once that, its the courage in us to stand infront and talk that made her call us everytime, yeah he was a great company back then. 

I lost track of him in 8th half, new friendship made? Oops! Yeah, i remember R kicking me out ( ofcourse, they were the toppers V & R and have the thing between them, i thot then ), why? I started acting weird, puberty?, Crush?, Yeah, that made him uncomfortable, he didnot like me having crush on S! That was the shortest crush i ever had… Or i don’t know, was it infatuation, very much. Not the person, but to the feeling of having someone like that. Anyway, it paved way for his exit, 

What might have been a good friendship, because of my ‘ignorance’ gone…( Yeah, i ignored. He did try to tell me, what is it with you, u should not do this, i think, i said ‘i do whatever i want with my life’ )… He was right in whatever decision he took back then. We were not how we used to be the rest of the 3years i spent there till 10th class. We shared the same classes though. I have seen him few number of times after 10th, but was it with me or with him, i don’t know. It never went back how it was before… Thats about V, the first friend i made, and was serious about keeping…and went crashing down… 

Thats my first entry to this series… 

On my last stalk on him, he is enjoying his medicine at a good college, so we are not that separated, will i our destinies converge???. Hope i dont offend him on our next meet…

And yeah, R i have a lot to tell about him, that is another big post all together… 



Death is inevitable part of life. Like birth, it will happen for sure. Life is all that i have to design inbetween these two likely events. Living in constant though about death is nothing better than dead, but to live for others till death is a different game… that gives meaning to life, my breath.